Now, Brian doesn't go for flashy ways save the world. No lycra tights or getting changed in phone booths. He leaves that stuff to Superman. (Who uses phone booths now anyway? And a man like Brian would get arrested if he stripped behind a cellphone.)
He doesn't even like "everyday" ways to save the world. For instance he's never walked in a protest march or tried to hug a tree. The only GreenPeace he ever liked came from his left nostril. He doesn't recyle (unless you count wearing the same underwear 5 days in a row).
In fact, all he does is give 20 bucks monthly, to some wildlife organisation he can't even remember. We asked why and he explained, "So we won't run out of tigers and pandas and blue whales and sh*t".
He has a point.
Naturally, a man with Brian's commitment to food and fashion hasn't got time to make a donation every single month, so he asked the wildlife people to automatically bill his credit card. Now he saves the world, 20 bucks at a time, from the comfort of his very own couch – where he also enjoys drinking, wearing attractive shorts, and scratching himself.
This may come as a surprise to you, but Brian is currently single. He gives money to the blind in the hope of meeting a grateful woman who can’t tell what he looks like. Once, feeling conscious of how lucky he is to live in his mother’s basement, he even gave 10 bucks to a homeless guy.
We asked why he started saving animals, when he was already giving elsewhere. He explained, "Giving to the blind and homeless doesn't stop me from spending on the other things I care about... like pizza and my sexy shorts. Why should it stop me from spending 20 bucks on animals?"
Again, he has a point.
So folks, that is Brian's entire plan to save tigers, pandas and all the other endangered sh*t. Give 20 bucks per month. It almost sounds too easy, but we did some research, and he's actually onto something. Animal experts (we hear they're called "biologists") already know what needs to be done to save endangered species. They just don't have enough cash to fund all the work. (Protecting land from poachers, and stuff like that.) If the money comes, the species will be saved.
And it works. Those biologist folks are protecting tigers in India. The latest stats show a 20% increase in tiger numbers. Awesome!
Here's the catch: Brian is just one man. Even a man as big as him can't do it alone. Will you help? It’s the perfect way to save the world, especially if you don’t give a damn. Just sign up and then forget about it! You’ll be saving the planet without ever having to lift a finger again.
To help Brian, just spin this bottle! (It's a picture of one we found under his couch, taken shortly after we washed out the ants.) The bottle will point to a top-notch animal conservation organisation. It doesn't matter which one it points to. Why not? Because they're all good! (Who's got time to think about these things anyway?) Once you've spun the bottle, click the 'Go' button to jump to whichever site the bottle is pointing to. There, you can set up your donation. When Brian set up his, it took only 2 minutes.
Spin to start saving the world. (Sexy shorts not included.)
WWF used to be called the World Wildlife Fund. It's the world's biggest conservation organisation and focusses on preserving biodiversity.
Our mission is to stop the degradation of our planet's natural environment.
Rare focuses on human activity that threatens biodiversity, such as overfishing and unsustainable agriculture. Rare trains locals in how to create behaviour change in their community.
Inspiring people to take pride in the species and habitats that make their communities unique, while also giving them alternatives to environmentally destructive behaviors.
The Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS) began over 100 years ago as the New York Zoological Society. It now saves wildlife and wild places across the globe, while continuing to run zoos in Central Park and the greater New York area.
We currently manage about 500 conservation projects in more than 60 countries
The African Wildlife Foundation focusses on conserving the wild animals of Africa. The foundation works to protect specific large landscapes that are key to sustaining biodiversity in Africa.
To ensure the wildlife and wild lands of Africa will endure forever.
Oceana is largest international organization focused solely on ocean conservation. Areas of focus include stopping ocean pollution, protecting marine wildlife and preserving special places.
We believe in the importance of science in identifying problems and solutions.
Conservation International (CI) protects forests, grasslands, rivers, wetlands, and oceans.
Working at every level – from remote villages to the offices of presidents and premiers – to help move whole societies toward a smarter development path.
(By the way, stay in touch. Brian would like you to follow him on Twitter, especially you're a single lady under the age of 87! Also, for the single guys, he shares his expert tips on dating and ways to minimise your housework. Follow him @BrianSavesWorld.)
Note: neither we not Brian have any links or relationship to the organisations we are raising donations for. We did not contact them before making this webpage. We just thought this page was a good way to save endangered sh*t. If you agree, please tweet, blog or talk about it.